you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
