Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You've changed since you got that strap on
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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