mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
