did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
