3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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