Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
