i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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