I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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