we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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