Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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