I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
