Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
