Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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