I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
