we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
