I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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