Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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