R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize