So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
