You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize