I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
