Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
someone owes me an orgasm
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
