so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
