Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Found your dick twin last night
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
