Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize