Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
