i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
