Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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