she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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