Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
