I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
