There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
