Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I need to calm my uterus...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
