please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
