This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
