i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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