I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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