When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
