I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
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If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
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It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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