ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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