I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
