My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
