i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
