He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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