You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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