Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
