I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house