I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
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I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
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I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....