i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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