and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.