i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
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i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
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How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed