I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"