were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
