No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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