I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
