wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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