i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We were destined to go to rehab together
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
