I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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