I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.