i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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