apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy