I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.