I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
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just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.