So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
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Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
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Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.