He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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