she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
