so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Rumble strips road head = magical
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize