so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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