just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize