Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
