Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
